In relationships where there is domestic violence, one member of the partnership insists that the other member has something inherently wrong with them. The dialogue is incredibly consistent across relationships – the partner is ugly, too fat, too thin, and bad parent, a liar, stupid, etc. All of this is offered as feedback about who the partner is and not what they do. This undermining of a person’s autonomy and right to self-knowing is a hallmark of coercion and a relationship where one person is exerting power and control over another. After all, undermining self-confidence, interrupting self-identity, telling someone they are inherently bad or wrong, and threatening harmful consequences for denying this altered reality are incredibly effective tactics for exerting power and control.

I personally know about this dynamic not as a victim of domestic violence, but as a lesbian who grew up in the 1970’s. Back then we were not only told that something was inherently wrong with us, but there were laws that made our existence illegal. I know I share the experience with many of my LGBT siblings of questioning my core identity, feeling shame, and hiding who I am. Society and my own family of origin rejected my identity at every turn. I spent a decade in the depths of depression, feeling self-loathing, denying my true identity, taking risks, and cutting myself off from community and family. I was not the victim of an abusive partner but of an abusive society. The patterns are strikingly similar.

And that is why I am so worried about Vermont’s trans community, especially our trans youth. I am disappointed and horrified that so much of the anti-trans violence (meaning physical violence as well as emotional violence in public, institutional and personal arenas) is coming from the LGB community. In my experience, the fight for LGBT rights at Stonewall and across the globe has always been about self-determination and the right to embrace an identity safely and proudly – our identities which are at the core of our existence. If I know at my core that I am queer, then I have a way to understand that my trans siblings have the same core knowledge about their identities. It is that simple.

At the Vermont Network we fully and joyfully embrace trans Vermonters. We stand with them in knowing that they possess the self-knowledge to express their identities with honesty and pride. We support and appreciate the leadership of the Pride Center and Outright Vermont in representing trans Vermonters and the whole of the LGBTQ+ community.

We condemn all acts of trans-violence and transphobia and call on leaders from all arenas to stand up for the safety, autonomy, and well-being of trans Vermonters by rejecting any form of anti-trans violence. We also invite you to send the incredible staff at the Pride Center and Outright Vermont a message of love and support. They have received quite a few messages of hate recently and it is important that they know they are not in this alone. That we, as their community, stand with them and their work.

We envision a world where all Vermonters thrive. Where all Vermonters live lives free of violence and where all Vermonters have the right to self-identity and self-determination.

Karen Tronsgard Scott

Executive Director