THE ABUSER:
- Accepts traditional male and female roles.
- Accepts male dominance, the myth of male superiority, equates dominance with
masculinity, and objectifies women.
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- Exhibits jealousy, possessiveness.
- Isolates the victim, restricting her ability to spend time with family,
friends, co-workers.
- Belittles, humiliates and denigrates her verbally in private and in public.
- Refuses to refer to her as a separate person: calls her "the old lady," "my wife/girlfriend," not "Jane."
- Is close minded: his way is the only way.
- Blames others for his faults.
- Blames circumstances for his failings.
- Witnessed or experienced violence in family of origin.
- Denies/minimizes the violence.
- Always asks for a second chance.
- Blames her for his violent outbursts: "If you hadn't ..., I wouldn't have ..."
- Plays on her guilt.
- Has a low tolerance for frustration, explosive temper, Jekyll and Hyde personality,
unpredictable behavior.
- Tortures, maims and kills animals.
- Seems unable to control his anger.
- Behavior worsens with alcohol or drugs.
- Sincerely promises to change, not to do it again.
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THE VICTIM MAY:
- Accept traditional male and female roles.
- Accept male dominance, the myth of male superiority, and equate dominance with masculinity.
- Base her self-worth on her ability to attract a man and maintain a relationship.
- Accept restriction of activities, interpreting this as a sign that the partner "cares."
- Suffer from low self-esteem.
- Be placating and passive, easily dominated.
- Feel she must help her mate.
- Have a strong need to be needed.
- Act as a buffer between her partner and the rest of the world.
- Underestimate or downplay the dangerousness of her situation.
- Accept guilt even when there has been no wrong-doing.
- Feel she has no basic human rights-often not even the right not to be hit.
- Live in a chronic state of fear.
- Doubt her own sanity.
- Accept her partner's reality.
- Have an unshakable faith that things will improve or feel there is nothing
she can do about her situation.
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