The Batterer As Parent

Recent research and literature has revealed that a batterer’s parenting style is often very damaging to both his children and his partner. As parents, batterers tend to be:

• under involved;
• authoritarian;
• entitled;and
• have unrealistic behavior expectations of their children

Batterers are at high risk for perpetrating physical, emotional, or sexual abuse against their children. Batterers also undermine a mother’s ability to parent effectively in a number of ways, including:

• coercing children to participate in abuse that is directed towards their mothers;
• preventing a mother from consoling or providing limits to her children;
• degrading, physically abusing or sexually abusing a mother in front of her children
  
  

 Supporting Battered Women as Mothers

Given the impact that battering can have on mothering, it is important that service providers respond to a victim of domestic violence with respect and encouragement around her parenting.  Many battered women are extremely worried about their children.  They are sometimes afraid of talking with their children about the abuse because they don’t want to upset them.  They are also often afraid of the possible unsafe consequences (an acceleration of abuse) if they seek help for their children or talk about any child abuse that might have occurred. See below for resources for parenting after abuse.

Resources

Batterers As Parents

• Spectrum Youth and Family Services' Violence Intervention and Prevention Programs facilitate a number of batterer intervention programs. These programs work to hold men accountable for their violence ecouraging them to explore their abusive behaviors and supporting them in their process of change towards becoming non-abusive. In addition to holding perpetrators of abuse accountable, one of the programs' primary goals is the protection of victims and survivors. For more information contact Paul Hochanadel, VIPP Director at PHochanadel@spectrumvt.org

• The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics by Lundy Bancroft and Jay Silverman. (2002, Sage)

This is a groundbreaking book that elucidates the complexity of the family dynamics engendered by a batterer’s presence in the home. Grounded in a sophisticated understanding of psychological trauma, and offering important recommendations for assessment and treatment, this book should be required reading for all professionals who work with parents or children affected by domestic violence. For more about Lundy Bancroft, click here.

•  Fathering After Violence

Fathering After Violence (FAV) is a national initiative developed by the Family Violence Prevention Fund (FVPF) and its partners to enhance the safety and well-being of women and children by motivating men to renounce their violence and become better fathers (or father figures) and more supportive parenting partners http://www.endabuse.org/programs/display.php3?DocID=197

Parenting after Abues - Resources for mothers

• Helping Children Thrive / Supporting Woman Abuse Survivors as Mothers: A Resource to Support Parenting by Linda Baker and Alison Cunningham (2004). This 76-page resource, developed with funding from the Ontario Women's Directorate in Canada, is written for service providers assisting women who have survived domestic violence. These materials may be helpful for domestic violence programs, children's mental health centers, child protection agencies, and educators.  Document can be downloaded at http://www.lfcc.on.ca/mothers.html

•  When Dad Hurts Mom:  Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse by Lundy Bancroft (G. P. Putnum and Sons, New York)

In this sensitive, respectful book, counselor, speaker, trainer and activist Bancroft gives battered women ways to help their children heal from the pain of witnessing/experiencing abuse. Using anecdotes, Q&As, bulleted "points to remember" and a caring but firm tone, Bancroft tells abused mothers exactly what actions they can take to help their children. Bancroft coaches moms to tell their children abuse is wrong, but warns them not to criticize the abuser as a person if he is a father-figure to the children. For more information on Lundy Bancroft, click here